When I left my corporate CXO job a few years ago, I left without a big plan.
I had a consulting job lined up, and savings to keep me going for some time. A detailed worst case scenario was fleshed out.
My due diligence was done.
An experience that followed gave me some great lessons and insights.
As my everyday routine slowly changed, I went into a period of slowing down. I felt a strong urge to spend time in nature.
So I followed that inkling and went hiking for two weeks.
I created space in my life and in the process learned how to listen to, and trust, my inner knowing. More inklings showed up. Writing, improv theater, more writing...
In this process, I was surprised to learn something about myself.
While the knowing of what to do became stronger, I found myself resisting it as well.
I knew what to do, yet I seemed to not want it.
How we subconsciously sabotage our wishes...
It was confusing to feel filled with insight, yet not moving in the direction I saw myself going towards.
Looking back, I can now see clearly what it was about.
There was a BIG question which subconsciously held me back.
What if I give it my all, and I don't make it?
This is a scary question.
And it's a smart one too. Because my mind made up all sorts of reasons and excuses as to why I should not do it.
In my experience, many people say "I don't know" when asked what they most wish for.
We are scared to know.
If we don't know, there is no need for us to act.
No need to truly own our potential.
No need to take ownership of what our gut tells us.
We get away with it.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.” – Marianne Williamsson
Becoming responsible for our own self-sabotage
If we admit to knowing what we want, we are suddenly responsible if we choose to not go for it. Scary stuff.
Putting ourselves out there comes with no guarantees.
And THAT is scary.
But going through the process of becoming aware and accepting what it is that you actually want is the first step.
If you slow down, and listen, you might be able to see where you are sabotaging the potential progress in your life.